Yes, You Can Love Someone You Don’t Agree With

Do you have trouble agreeing with your friend’s new relationship? Can you not accept another person’s different political views? Do you not approve of your friend’s homosexual preference, or do you not approve of your friend’s lack of homosexual acceptance?

Here’s a secret to engaging the people you don’t agree with: love them anyways.

This might seem like a difficult thing to do, but this is merely following in the direction of love.

Somewhere along the line, we’ve come to believe that in order to love someone, you must agree with them. You must line up on the same views and disapprove of no situation in their life.

Years ago, I had to battle this idea. I had a friend who continued to make poor choices, and when there was a slight glimmer of hope that she might redeem her situation, she would make another bad decision that would ruin everything. It killed me.

And unfortunately, it killed our friendship.

I had trouble interacting with her because I approved of about 40% of the things she did (and mind you, that’s less than 50%). I would rush to get out of conversation with her, struggle to keep a straight face with her, and ultimately, wrestle with whether our friendship was worth it.

After answering yes to that last question, I realized something about how I was treating her.

My relationship with her was very conditional. It was based on whether I agreed with her or not, and I wasn’t sure if that was the right soil to tend a deep, long-lasting friendship in.

When we base our love on our approval, we miss something so essential to what love is.

You can love someone you don’t agree with because love is not a matter of our approval; it’s a practice of grace.

It is grace that keeps the commitment of love continually fresh.

There are times when you must let go of relationships because they damage us, but oftentimes we let go of relationships for petty reasons, such as not agreeing wholeheartedly with the person. We then choose take the easy way out instead of the hard road towards a beautiful communion smothered with grace.

But it’s the harder path that grows us, stretches us to become better people.

Also, a neglected truth is that grace is a powerful motivator. We can believe adhering to our opinions is the better way to love someone because showing them the right way is the best thing you could do for them, but sometimes, the other person just needs to hear grace.

And when you give the other person what they need first, they are more apt to listen.

So next time you struggle with your friend or someone else because you don’t agree with them, let your ability to love speak first rather than your opinions.

It’s makes for better relationships. Trust me.