Getting Over the Urge to Prove Yourself

At some point in my life, I had mistakenly come to believe that by proving myself worthy to others, I could somehow reach the top. I called this flawed perspective “self-reliance”, and I stuck to it with my whole being.

Yet now I know, proving yourself to others is a cheap trick.

In the end, it doesn’t bring much value to your life. Instead, it keeps you in a war that doesn’t need to be fought. It keeps you aggressive and ungrateful toward other people in your life. You stick to comparison instead of connection when you try to prove yourself.

When I was trying to prove myself to people, I obsessed over their opinions about me. As a result, I made them the enemy, imagining they were thinking negative thoughts about me and the only way to be in good standing with these wayward people was to prove I was better.

But the truth I’m slowly learning is, I don’t have to prove myself. People can think what they want to.

And typically, people don’t have negative opinions about me.

Proving yourself can sometimes be an attempt to withstand negativity from others. It’s a defense measure, but it’s not a necessary one. It’s like fighting a battle when there’s no war. You don’t need to put up defense measures when no one is attacking.

But oftentimes, we still put ourselves in this stance of proving ourselves, even if we know people don’t doubt us.

I know this because once I realized I was always trying to prove my worth as a person instead of actually believing it myself, I tried stopping this silly habit, only to pick it up again once I was unsure of what I was doing.

That’s how proving yourself often works: at the root of the problem, you don’t do it for others; you do it to feel comfortable with yourself.

In moments of doubt, I picked up trying to prove myself once again. It wasn’t because I needed to or people had bad thoughts about me; it was because I had bad thoughts about myself.

Basically, we project on others the negativity we feel toward ourselves.

This is why we feel the need to prove ourselves. This is why we feel we’re in a war with others. At the root of it all, we’re unsure about ourselves. That’s it.

Instead, I want the stable mindset of Jesus.

I read a story where Jesus returns to His hometown, and while teaching in the synagogues, the people look at Him and His humble origins and don’t believe the two could make sense together. They dishonor Jesus.

But what Jesus does as a response is amazing.

Instead of staying and proving Himself to these people, He leaves. In this case, people actually were thinking negative thoughts about Him, and instead of fighting back with a miracle and a, “I told you so!”, He leaves. He walks away from the people who tried pulling Him in the direction of proving Himself.

Not only that, but Jesus felt secure enough to not have to prove Himself. That dishonor could have been an attack on His ego, but since He was confident in who He was and what He was doing, He simply just walked away.

That’s what I want. I want to have enough strength to just walk away. I want the courage to know that everything will be fine if I don’t put up an act.

But sometimes, I still feel the urge to prove myself. I don’t want this habit of neglecting and fighting people. I want to draw people close to me, and practice the habit of walking away from the people who truly don’t care for me. I want to have that discernment.

Truly, when you try to prove yourself, it’s you against the world. But when you give up this unnecessary stance, you’ll finally see that it’s you moving with the world, making a true and lasting difference.

There’s no need for you to prove yourself; just a need for you to be yourself. That’s when true connection happens.