“Do all things without grumbling or questioning . . .” –Philippians 2:14
Our society rewards complaints. We oddly feel connection with others when we can complain about our jobs with them. We get our way when we place a complaint about someone. And we attract attention and empathy when we complain about our day.
Complaining has woven itself into the fabric of our busy society.
Yet, the problem is, it’s a toxic behavior.
The other day, one of my friends began complaining about a recent organizational decision and how he disapproved of it. I knew his complaining wasn’t going to change the decision at all, but for some reason, I gravitated toward his complaints. I swirled around them like a whirlpool dragging me down.
This is when I realized: complaining doesn’t only endanger yourself. It endangers those around you.
When we choose to complain about our problems, we make our problems the center of attention. With our problems taking the spotlight, it becomes difficult for those around you to divert their attention away.
In other words, by choosing to complain you’re bringing others down with you.
I admit, I complain when I’m frustrated or irritated. I complain because I believe it’ll warrant me sympathy or allow for connection. But it doesn’t do this. Now, it just makes me feel guilty that I couldn’t celebrate what blessings God did shower me with during the day.
If you feel guilty about your complaining as well, I’ve listed some possible ways we can practice not complaining when we feel irritated.
1. Take a pause
When you feel a complaint bubbling in your mouth, choose to not speak it before you pause and think about your words. Think about those around you and how they’ll be affected. Maybe a brief pause to consider your words is all you need to stop the negativity from flowing.
2. Clarify the meaning before turning it into a complaint
Oftentimes we’re quick to complain about someone before fully understanding what they meant. And then, we feel guilty once we learn of their true intent.
Skip the immediate complaining part. When you’re in a conversation with someone who is irritating you, try to clarify their meaning and where they’re coming from. Say questions like, “what do you mean by that?” or “So what you’re trying to say is . . .” Sometimes, all we need to stop our complaints is to understand the other’s point of view.
3. Recognize triggers
Complaining is a habit you formed with your speech. This means, you can get rid of it. The first thing you need to do is to recognize the triggers and cues that launch you into the routine of complaining. Look around your surroundings and ask, “is there something here that is causing me to complain?” If so, work to correct the trigger or get rid of it.
4. Return to positive
Sour moods are hard to shake. Oftentimes, our complaints arise from our bad mood. So to stop complaining, we need to correct the attitude. To do this, try to return to the positive. Think of happier memories, how God has blessed you in that day, or try to make joyful moments. Instead of letting your bad mood escalate you, try to return to stillness and peace with your mind.
It’s take a great deal of effort to be different, to not complain when everyone else is. But without being different, we cannot make a difference. Seek to make a difference in your environment by refusing to complain.
If you liked this article, check out:
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