When we make commitments, we typically don’t want to break them. But sometimes, we feel heroic sticking with our commitments even when they’re wrong for us.
There was a time in my life when I felt obligated to stick to a commitment I knew was wrong for me. When I consulted my Christians friends, only a few of them affirmed my wanting to leave. Most of them quoted James 5:12, which states, “…but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no…”
Many of us use this verse as a defense to stick to our commitments. But if we look at the context of this verse (and how it’s used in Matt. 5:37), we see that it’s not talking about sticking to commitments at all. Rather, these verses talk about not swearing, or saying anything more than yes or no.
When I discovered this, my mind was blown. My Christian friends were giving this verse as the main defense for sticking to a wrong commitment. But when I spotted the flaw, I decided that it was best for me to drop my commitment.
You might struggle with whether it’s right or not to leave your commitment.
But just know this: you can leave your commitments.
People will sometimes tell you that you can’t change your mind, but it doesn’t matter what their opinion is; it matters what your conviction in God leads you to do.
Here are a few ways to help you make a decision when it comes to leaving or sticking to your commitments:
1. Hold commitments with an open hand
It’s no coincidence that just a few verses before James 5:12, James talks about life being a vapor (James 4:13-17). In other words, there is no certainty to life. This means we must hold our commitments with open hands, because tomorrow they could be taken from us.
Too many people hold their commitments too tightly. They don’t want to leave them no matter what. But the Bible teaches us to stay faithful to God’s will above all, and sometimes, that means loosely holding our commitments and leaving them.
2. Discern God’s will
Discerning God’s will is a difficult thing to do. But I snap into a frame of mind that allows me to sense where God is leading me. I ask myself a series of questions dealing with how my decisions affect my personal state (heart, character, and health), my relationships, and my ability to make an impact in the world. These questions allow me to gain a bit more clarity as to what God’s will might be.
3. Detach yourself from the fear of rejection or disappointment
We often stick to our commitments because we fear what saying no means. We feel it might harm our relationship or our chances. We feel it might throw us down a pit of unpopularity. In other words, we fear how others might respond if we leave our commitments.
In these times, it is essential to separate the decision from the relationship. Saying no to some commitments doesn’t mean you’re rejecting a person. And if they feel disappointment toward you, that’s not your problem either. Don’t trade long-term satisfaction for short-term popularity. Instead, learn to detach yourself from their reaction.
No matter what others might say, you are free to leave your commitments. But it’s up to you whether leaving is healthy or not. The choice is yours; may these tools help you make a wise decision.
Photography by Mikaela Hamilton
If you liked this article, check out:
3 Questions to Determine Whether to Give Up or Continue
8 Questions to Ask When Discerning God’s Will
How to Be Intentional with Your Life When You Have No Clue What to Do