Turning the other cheek is a confusing statement. On one hand, it sounds like you should always give your enemies another chance to pummel you. On the other hand, it sounds like you should have so much love and forgiveness, that your enemy is suppose to be stunned into non-action.
But what I’m learning is, it doesn’t matter so much what you believe it means; it matters more that you don’t believe it means something wrong, something dangerous.
As I look over my own life, I’ve held 3 different interpretations of what this statement meant, and all 3 have been harmful. If you want a meaningful life, avoid these 3 interpretations of turning the other cheek:
1. It doesn’t mean you accept the blame for everything
I once believed that turning the other cheek meant avoiding conflict altogether. It meant surrendering in every situation so it doesn’t escalate into something more. Unfortunately, this resulted in me accepting the blame and consequence in every conflict, even when it wasn’t my fault.
I didn’t notice that I made this a habit until I got married. In my marriage, I mistakenly accept the blame for things that aren’t entirely my fault. This is because I don’t want the conflict to escalate.
But here’s the truth: sometimes, conflicts need to escalate. Sometimes you need to stand your ground and shout it out for a bit so you both can learn from it. When surrender and avoid conflict, you not only refuse mutual growth, but you also hurt yourself in the process. You pile on guilt, bitterness, and hatred for yourself, when it might not even be your fault.
Turning the other cheek does not mean surrendering in this fashion.
2. It doesn’t mean you take your eyes off the prize
A friend once told me he teared up while watching a scene of a man moving forward while his enemies were beating him on all sides. Instead of stopping with every punch, the man got up and kept moving forward toward the goal.
This struck something with me. So often when conflict erupts, we stop to dwell on it. When someone throws a punch, we stay and listen. We circle around the conflict and get distracted, when sometimes, all we really need to do is keep moving toward our goal.
When conflict erupts, turning the other cheek doesn’t mean you give all your attention to conflicts in your life. I used to think this is what turning the other cheek meant, so I devoted myself to all the problems people had with me, attempting to solve them. But what I soon discovered was, I couldn’t solve all the conflicts in my life. Sometimes, it was a mater of the other person. The best thing I could do was move on and choose not to dwell on it anymore.
Turning the other cheek means you can continue moving on in your life without sidestepping to dwell on unnecessary conflicts.
3. It doesn’t mean you forgive and forget
I used to think turning the other cheek was a quick way of getting to the other side of a conflict. I wanted to speed through tensions in my life, and get to the forgetting part—or what I perceived was what moving on meant.
The reality is, moving on doesn’t mean you simply forgive and forget. Some scars make us who we are. We need conflict to etch deep grooves into the fabric of our character. We need to remember their pain and their resolution so that we can change from them.
If you believe turning the other cheek means getting over a conflict fast, you’re wrong. You need conflict in your life. Turning the other cheek is simply a way to peacefully stand up for yourself and get to a resolution where everyone benefits.
If you are confused on what turning the other cheek means, make sure you’re not buying into dangerous ways of what it could mean. Make sure you’re letting conflicts into your life, and letting them transform you in a healthy way. If your interpretation of turning the other cheek is getting in the way of that, draw back and see if you are benefitting from your conflict in anyway.
What do you believe turning the other cheek means? Talk about it in the comments section below!
Photography by Mikaela Hamilton